Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
