when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
