Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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