when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
