I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
