A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
