Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
