Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
