Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
