new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
