so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
