i just wanna soil my oats bro
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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