You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
