I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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