Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
