god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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