Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
