I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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