Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
