Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Even my vagina gasped.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
