When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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