We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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