As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
