I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
