i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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