Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
