wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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