things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize