Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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