At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
