Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you win again, gameday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
