Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
