This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
