That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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