Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
