I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize