that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
