remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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