Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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