clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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