I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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