I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
