JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
