I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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