Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
