You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
