i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i think my mom watched the whole time
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
