i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
