My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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