I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
