When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
