Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
