I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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