I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
