GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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