Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
