drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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