in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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