Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
