If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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