being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
