So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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