Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drunk is not a location!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
