I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
