She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
