I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
