Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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