You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
