idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I party with great urgency now.
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