You really coming over, don't trick.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
