im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
