I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
