Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am one with the molecules
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So vagazzling was a success
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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