I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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