Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
