brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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