i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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