It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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