everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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