Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
