you would pick up someone in the library
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
