He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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