just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
