We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
